Calwell: "Our Kids Need Us As Parents"

by Sandy Calwell, Author and Swim Mom

Much has been said about the Stanford swimmer rape case. Everyone has formed an opinion, it seems, in the court of public discourse. Besides my heart breaking for the two young people whose fates collided that tragic evening, I am burdened by the feeling that many parents, in the years when parental guidance is most needed, are not stepping up and teaching and modeling how life should be lived as a teenager, and then eventually, as a mature adult.

While most will say I’m old fashioned, out of touch and naive, I still believe we can teach our young people that underage drinking is wrong and risky on a lot of levels, and that sex is not a recreational activity or a power play.

Where theory and reality collide is when we assume that others maintain the same understandings or moral guidance we do. As women we are never really safe. Even as a middle-aged woman now, out on a run I am looking around the environment where I am…because I am female, I am vulnerable…almost always when around men.

Not that all men are predators. Most men are not. But I cannot effectively determine who the bad ones are, and so must constantly be on guard. It is the human condition of a woman. That’s how I see it. In theory it shouldn’t be so, but in reality it is.

To add alcohol and a decreased level of control and awareness into the mix, you will never know what you’ll get. The odds are not in your favor.

I believe we as parents, largely, haven’t gone for a high enough bar. We expect kids to drink and have sex and assume there is nothing we can do to stop them. But I still maintain that this is faulty thinking and lazy parenting.

We must. We must model self control by how we handle ourselves with alcohol and around those of the opposite sex. Young men will not respect women if they are not taught to. Culture will teach them otherwise.

A woman’s body is beautiful and alluring. It will draw attention whether she wants it or not. Real men know this to be true and will honor her, while honoring themselves in their conduct and speech.

So there it is. A mom of a son, who’s a collegiate swimmer in California, who has found herself sleepless over the anguish of both sets of parents, and over the girl who was so violated and mistreated that she believes her value will always be lessened because of that night. I am praying for them all.

Our kids need us as parents. Our kids need to know God loves them, values them and holds their bodies and minds in highest regard.

If I could talk to every high school and college kid, I would tell them, “You are loved, dear and precious. Don’t risk your future, safety or reputation for things that don’t satisfy. It’s a lonely and disappointing road. Take the high road. Be the one who stands against the tide. Stand strong…and pray to the God who loves you. He will be there for you.”

Calwell is the author of “What If Parenting is the Most Important Job in the World?”

Her Facebook page is: Sandy Calwell Books